Compatibility vs Chemistry: What's the Difference in a Relationship?

Ever meet someone who you instantly clique with, but then realized that you didn't really fit together so well? Or perhaps you're very compatible with someone, but the romance is not quite as strong.

That's frequently chemistry versus compatibility.

Chemistry is typically a thing of attraction, excitement, emotional energy, and feeling that you click with somebody. Compatibility has to do with how well your values, needs, communication style, lifestyle and future plans fit together.

The two exist concurrently, but are not one and the same.

What is Chemistry in a Relationship?

Chemistry of a relationship: feeling that one person is connected or attracted to another person.

It might manifest itself in excitement upon sight, ease in conversation, physical attraction, emotional depth or a sense that you intuitively “get” each other.

Chemistry can change rapidly. There are times when you come across a person and straight away find your language with him or her. Sometimes, however, attraction builds up gradually over time as you get to know each other.

Psychology studies of attraction consider similarity, familiarity, reciprocity, and physical attraction. The American Psychological Association touches on these as to how individuals relate and experience attraction.

Signs of Strong Chemistry

Symptoms of a concussion are:

When you are around each other, you're excited.

Conversation feels natural.

You have a strong attraction to that person.

You enjoy spending time together.

With you is emotional energy.

There's that curiosity about one another.

You look forward to seeing or talking to them.

Chemistry can add an extra dose of excitement and remember to a brand new relationship.

But, chemistry doesn't always imply an ideal match in a long term relationship.

What is compatibility in a relationship?

Compatibility is a measure of the ability of two persons to work as partners.

It covers both practical and emotional issues like values, communication, expectations, lifestyle, finances, personal boundaries and long-term goals.

Two people don't have to be a perfect match for compatibility.

One might like to be quiet on weekends, the others like going out. They can still be compatible as long as they respect each other's preferences and come up with a routine that works for both of them.

If you want to read more about the factors that can influence relationship compatibility, check out our article on what makes two people compatible.

Signs of Relationship Compatibility

There's good compatibility when:

Your important values are fairly congruent.

It is possible to have honest discussions.

You are respectful to each other's boundaries.

Disagreements can be dealt with without on-going personal offending.

YOUR Lifestyles can work together.

You have an understanding of the emotional requirements of each other.

There isn't any major future conflict between your goals.

You can rely on and count on one another.

In a relationship, compatibility is crucial as it evolves beyond the initial stages.

The core difference between the two is compatibility versus chemistry.

The major difference between the two is compatibility vs chemistry.

The easiest way to tell the difference is:

Chemistry is a matter of feeling mutually with each other. The word compatible means "how well you get along with each other.

Both cannot be replaced by the other.

Chemistry is high and compatibility is low. It may also be well compatible with a gradual chemistry development.

Is there Chemistry without 'Compatibility'?

Yes.

It's possible for two people to be passionate about one another but to have vastly different ideas about what matters in life.

For instance, two individuals who have chemistry but don't agree whether they want kids. They can like each other and feel emotionally connected, but if one is not ready to make a change, then it may be a big problem.

Other differences exist, such as:

Marriage
Money
Family responsibilities
Where to live
Career priorities
Lifestyle
Personal boundaries
Commitment

But that doesn't mean the relationship is not possible. It implies that the difference must be comprehended and discussed openly.

Is it possible to be compatible and not be chemically attracted to someone?

Yes.

Romantic attraction does not always happen instantly.They can have the same values, communicate well and have a similar lifestyle and not feel an instant attraction to each other.

Research on romantic relationships also highlights the importance of effective communication and relationship skills in developing healthy relationships. The National Institutes of Health discusses research on factors associated with healthy romantic relationships.

As there is increased trust and emotional intimacy, there is also increased attraction.

That's one of the reasons why it can be hard to assess a relationship on the first few dates.

It is possible that someone who doesn't do anything to get you excited can still be someone you feel strongly attached to over time.

What's better: Chemistry, or compatibility?

There is no absolute rule to say which is more important, chemistry or compatibility.

It depends on what two people want in their relationship, as well as how the relationship progresses.

Chemistry has a way of creating attraction and emotional excitement. Compatibility can aid two individuals to live together day-to-day.

It's useful to think of it like this:

Chemistry can make two people fall in love. Compatibility can be useful in determining if their life can complement each other.

A relationship doesn't always have to be exciting all the time to be healthy, nor does great attraction always resolve disagreements regarding big life decisions.

Chemistry vs Compatibility in Different Stages of a Relationship

Chemistry and compatibility can manifest themselves at various stages.

Early Dating

It may be more apparent during the early period.

Look at attraction, conversation, excitement and how comfortable you feel with the other person.

Getting to Know Each Other

The more you spend time together, the more you will be able to assess compatibility.

You start to notice other people's communication style, stress management, financial needs, response to conflict and boundaries.

Long-Term Relationship

Chemistry and compatibility can become issues over time.

Things can change when people change and/or when circumstances change. As careers, family life, financial obligations, and personal aspirations evolve, so can the compatibility.

A healthy relationship may not be a match-up, but a communication process.

Chemistry and Compatibility: How to think about it.

When asking yourself if you have chemistry, you should ask a few questions instead of just asking "Do we have chemistry?".

Ask About Attraction

Is it a healthy relationship?

Are they sexually appealing to me?

Am I looking forward to spending time with them?

Ask About Compatibility

Do we acknowledge each other's values?

Are we able to communicate when it is hard?

Will our lives mesh together?

Are we reasonably speaking on the same page?

Is there any way to help and encourage one another's objectives?

Make inquiries about the future.

What do we hope to have in our long relationship?

Do we have freedom of dialogue about significant life choices?

Could there be significant differences that can be controlled?

Is it possible to compromise without one person losing his identity to the other?

These questions may give you more useful information than just a feeling or a score.

Typical errors while comparing chemistry and compatibility

When the chemistry is AWESOME, it feels like it's all or nothing!

A good match may feel like a power house, but doesn't mean it's a long-term match.

Assume that compatibility implies sameness.

Couples who are compatible can be different in personality, hobbies, interests and opinions.

The key is whether those differences can coexist in a respectful way.

Ignoring Major Differences

Sometimes it is possible to maintain small differences. If there is a significant disagreement concerning children, marriage, money or where to live, there will need to be a lot more discussion.

Expecting Constant Chemistry

An excited state of romanticism can naturally evolve over time. Just because the stage is quiet doesn't mean the relationship is in trouble.

It will be useful to use a Compatibility Percentage as proof.

While love or compatibility scores can be fun to play with online, there is no way to quantify it, communication, trust, emotional needs, or real-life relationship dynamics.

Is chemistry or compatibility measurable with a Love Calculator?

A love calculator can come up with a entertaining percentage based on data you plug in, like names, but this can't be considered a scientific gauge of love.

You can try a Love Calculator for fun, but the result should not be treated as a scientific measurement.

Real chemistry is physical attraction and emotional bond. True compatibility is seen in areas of communication, dealing with differences, sharing responsibilities and decision making in key life choices.

Those experiences, which occur in everyday life, cannot be observed by a calculator.

For this reason, it's important to take online compatibility results with a grain of salt and not rely on them as definitive proof of whether or not a relationship will succeed.

A Simple Chemistry vs Compatibility Checklist

When seeking to grasp a relationship, look at both parties.

Chemistry:

Do we feel a pull towards one another?

Are we having fun?

Is there a natural flow to the conversation?

Are there emotions of excitement?

Compatibility:

Are there important values that are connected?

Are there ways to have an open conversation?

Do we respect boundaries of others?

Can we live in harmony?

Are our big plans and goals in line with each other?

Are we able to discuss differences in a non-disrespectful way?

Both area views give you a fuller picture than one or the other.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between chemistry and compatibility?

Chemistry is the feeling of attraction, excitement and connection between two persons. Compatibility relates to the congruence of values, needs, lifestyles, communication patterns and future aspirations.

Is it possible to have chemistry and not compatibility?

Yes. There are many times when two people can feel very attracted to one another despite having a lot of differences in their values, lifestyle or overall vision.

Is it possible to find a meet that doesn't have instant chemistry?

Yes. As two people develop a sense of trust and familiarity, and start to develop a sense of emotional connection, so can attraction.

Do you need chemistry for a relationship?

Chemistry is often a part of a romantic relationship, but it can manifest in various ways for different individuals. Not always in the form of a flash.

Is compatibility being able to be the same?

No. Two people who are suitable for each other may have opposing personalities, hobbies and interests. Compatibility isn't "can't work together," it's "can work together.

Is chemistry a “living” science?

Yes. Changes in attraction and excitement in feelings may occur in relationships or as people grow. This doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is unhealthy.

What are some ways to know if two people are compatible?

Review aspects of communication, values, emotional needs, lifestyle, trust, conflict management, boundaries and long-term goals.

Final Takeaway

It's not really an either-or situation between compatibility and chemistry.

Chemistry means the pull and bond that can occur between two people. Compatibility refers to the ability of their values, needs, lifestyles, communication, and plans for the future to fit together.

A chemistry that's strong can be less than compatible, and a chemistry that's compatible can sometimes come before a strong chemistry of romance.

The best way to view this is to examine both. Be aware of your feelings together, but also your communication, your way of dealing with differences, your support, and how your approach to important aspects of life.

If you want to read more about the factors that can influence relationship compatibility, check out our article on what makes two people compatible